21 Things Every Man Needs To Know Before Getting Dressed Next Spring
1. Going out in a sweatsuit becomes perfectly acceptable when you have a bucket over your head.
(Look by Nasir Mazhar.)
2. DIY a face on it (and eye holes, please) so you don’t just look like some weirdo wearing a bucket when you’re walking down the street.
3. If sweats feel too casual for you, try extra-shiny track pants.
Fortunately for everyone the pajama trend really knows no limits.
(By E Tautz.)
4. Layer shorts with risque slits over slim pants.
This will take your slitted shorts to the office, no problem.
5. Wear your computer screen as a coat.
Because it’s not like anyone spends enough time looking at computer screens nowadays.
6. Flaunt your toe cleavage through sheer paneling.
7. Accessorize the neck with a choker, the thigh with a garter.
It will make up for the fact that no one can see your rings or bracelets.
8. Pink terry cloth goes just about anywhere.
Head, ankles, shins, and thighs… shins and thighs! Etc.
9. Crop tops just *work* with backpack straps.
Or, fine: werk.
10. Tie up the front of your man blouse.
Anything Miranda Kerr can do you can do better.
11. Apply body shimmer to the chest when wearing a full pink tracksuit.
Terrycloth is just so matte on its own.
12. If your dress feels “too short” just wear shorts of the same fabric underneath.
13. Wear your apron to one side
You don’t want anything taking away from your garter.
14. White shorts can be slimming if they’re high-waisted.
15. A cluster of nonsensical words painted onto a chest easily substitues for a shirt.
16. Vynl makes any zookeeper’s uniform eight times more fabulous.
Also, Tevas don’t look half bad if worn over a real pair of shoes.
17. Own at least one thing that’s fully sheer.
As a man, you don’t have to worry about camisoles. Carine Roitfeld is TOTES jealous of that.
18. Turn your hair into the glittery version of whatever outfit you’re wearing.
19. If you’re self-conscious of your stomach, you can just layer your crop top.
20. Balance out the volume of your loose-fitting shorts with a snug-fitting graphic tee.
And if you can’t afford this one just buy a short-sleeved wetsuit from Billabong.
21. Wear metallic at least some of the time.
It just makes life more fun. And if this much is all you can muster, so be it.