27 Things America Does That The U.K. Needs To Start Doing
1. There are certain things Americans do so much better than us. Like make truly epic TV dramas.
2. Speaking of TV, America makes cartoons grown-ups can enjoy.
See also: Family Guy, South Park, American Dad, King Of The Hill.
3. Then there’s Thanksgiving. Obviously.
It’s like having two Christmases. Except this one is less about getting shitty presents and more about eating ABSOLUTELY LOADS OF AMAZING FOOD.
4. The American tipping system rules.
At first, you’re aghast at tipping 20% instead of 10… then you see what a difference it makes to the customer service.
5. Particularly in bars.
Where you tip the person serving you every time you buy a drink, until eventually, they buy YOU one in return. Genius!
6. And while we’re at it – dollar bills.
Tipping is so much cooler with paper. Can we get some pound notes please? (No, the Scottish ones don’t count. They just get you funny looks).
7. Plus, when you get a drink in America, it’s a generous measure, not a stingy one.
The Yanks just let the good times flow.
8. Magazines like these.
9. The way childhood is full of special rituals you remember for ever.
11. America produces proper pop stars.
Y’know, who can dance without falling over.
12. We haven’t even mentioned nature yet. Can we have some redwoods please?
It’s not just Burger King portions and cars that America does big. It’s their trees. The Redwoods in California can live for 2000 years, and at least one of them is taller than Big Ben.
13. The US boasts vast stretches of genuine wilderness, populated by cool animals.
Y’know. Ones that could actually kill you. Like bears.
14. Yes America, there’s much to admire about you. Like your weed laws.
Many American states have or are debating adopting a far more progressive attitude towards marijuana use than exists in the UK – great news if you’re a moderate or medicinal user. Or, let’s face it, a total pot head. Learn more by reading this article in The Atlantic.
15. Your Brown Ale appreciation.
Everyone knows American beer is flavourless pish. But at least they appreciate Britain’s most undervalued ale. ‘Newky Broon’ is widely available on tap, and the Yanks drink half of the entire quantity we produce.
16. And your deep and abiding love of bacon.
Why the hell are we just using bacon for sandwiches like a bunch of idiots when we could be putting it in sweets, drinks, cosmetics and medical equipment?!
17. Which reminds us – breakfast! Americans give this meal the respect it deserves.
Obviously, the full English breakfast is the greatest breakfast in the world, and the American propensity to lace it with sugar is an act of unforgivable sacrilege.
On the other hand, if you do have a sweet tooth in the morning, where better to be than the country that invented the Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich, described variously as “the ultimate hangover breakfast”, “the new heroin,” and “basically, death”?
18. They are tireless culinary innovators. Just look at the cronut.
While we’re on about sweets, America is still innovating in that particular field, recently creating a croissant and doughnut hybrid. So far no one in the UK has figured out how to make one.
19. Oh yeah, and pickles. Pickles are key.
Order a sandwich, get a pickle. Exactly as it should be.
20. We might not care much for American sports. But what about those half-time shows? Wow.
While Wembley half-heartedly sends out some dancing school kids and a bag of confetti for our cup finals, the US gets fireworks, Alicia Keys and some pop star called Beyonce.
22. Some of those endless open roads would be good.
23. Britain could do with some classic rock radio stations, too.
You can’t touch the dial on your car radio in America without a blast of Guns N Roses, AC/DC or Zeppelin turning your boring drive into a free spirited road trip. Take note, BBC.
24. Not to mention cities that just sound cool.
Major American cities are so romantic, they get songs named after them. That just wouldn’t work in Britain.
No-one ever wrote a rock anthem about Hull.