A Survival Guide To Online Dating
1. Someone you think is kind of cute will start to poke/message/make virtual eyes that suggest they might be interested.
2. And then they’ll ask you out on a date. You were totally right, as usual.
3. So go ahead and tell your friends the good news: You’re winning at life.
6. Then the big day comes and you’ll spend most of it celebrating how fabulous you are for having a date lined up.
7. Later it will dawn on you: You’re going to meet a total stranger in a few short hours, and all first dates are nerve-racking, but this one especially because you’re excited about it.
10. So have one drink beforehand just to calm your nerves a bit.
11. And if that doesn’t work, then do a shot of something stronger.
12. In spite of all that liquid courage, you might still be a ball of nervous energy.
13. And that is OK. Just try to keep the freakouts to yourself and stare at the table if needed.
15. If they look completely different from their profile photos, it’s perfectly acceptable to do this…
16. But if they look even halfway normal you’re just going to be like this inside…
17. Again, try to keep cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
19. Because it’s still a blind date and it will be awkward, at some point.
20. For example, they could say something a little creepy.
Or maybe you’re into lying down with cats — who are we to judge!
21. Or give you eyes that suggest they might be a serial killer.
22. Or become totally inappropriate in a way that lets you know they’ve probably never had sex before.
25. And when they ask you out for another date, come up with some wonderful excuse as to why you can’t make it.
26. But sometimes the more you drink, the cuter a person can get.
27. And you might feel like you’re making a real connection here.
28. And maybe at the end of the night you’ll kiss, or maybe you won’t — but either way, make sure they’ve got your number.
29. Then go home and fall asleep with the knowledge that they are most definitely going to call.
30. And when you don’t hear from them the next day you might feel like…
31. And your friends who have been through the ringer will say something like…
32. While the friends who are hopeless romantics will offer up…
33. Either way, just listen to what Jamie Lee Curtis is saying here.
35. And regardless of what happens, you’re putting yourself out there, and in the end, that is awesome.
36. Even if it doesn’t work out, you will date again.
37. Because there are plenty of other fish in the online sea.
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