Community Post: Top 10 Things Not To Say To A Girl You Want To Date
In a city like New York, there aren’t many second chances, so Good Days is here to help. We’ve got advice from one of the hottest dating coaches around, Jess McCann, who’s graciously came up with a Top Ten List of Things Not to say to a Girl You Want to Date. If you want more Jess, check out her books!
10. You can’t believe how much you drank last night.
Attempting to regale us with stories of late night parties and bottle service might work if you hadn’t shown up unshowered and an hour late to meet us. Too much talk of drinking will only have us assuming that you’re still living out your college days. We want a guy that is stable and responsible, and sleeping until noon just doesn’t give us that impression.
9. If we mind going Dutch.
Most of us will always offer to pay, or at least do the courtesy “reach.” On a first or second date, however, we expect you to foot the bill. You asked us out after all, and it is only coffee. If you tell us you don’t mind paying now, but want to go halfsies if we get more serious? Sayonara! You just sound preemptively cheap.
8. How psycho your ex was.
She was either crazy when you met her (which will have us wondering why you dated her), or you must have scorned her so badly that you drove her to the brink. Either way, who you dated, and how sane she was says a lot about you. Speak well of your ex, or don’t speak of her at all.
7. “You have cats, too?!”
A cat is fine. Two cats or more for a single guy…is a little strange. Are you also hording old newspapers and egg cartons? Will we have to wind through a goat trail to reach your bedroom? Even if you are totally normal and just favor felines, it’s best to bring up the cats later…much later.
6. You’re just looking for something casual.
Also popular, “I’m not looking for a serious relationship.” We will basically take that as code for you wanting to have sex consistently until you don’t anymore. Don’t pretend that you want a relationship if you don’t, just understand that your lax attitude on dating is not going to further entice us… okay, maybe it will but eventually we will come to our senses.
5. Where we should honeymoon.
While we definitely don’t want to hear that you aren’t ready to commit, we also can’t handle any proclamations of love before we’ve even started dating. Tell us we’re beautiful, tell us we’re different, but don’t tell us that you think we’re going to be the mother of your children. It’s overkill. We’ll want to hear that eventually, but tonight is not the night.
4. Do we mind if you take this call.
The answer is yes we mind, even if we say no. There is nothing more irritating than a man who cannot put his technology away. Even if it’s a work call, we are going to feel slighted. And before you ask, checking emails and firing off a quick text is no exception. If you want to connect with us, we need your fully unplugged attention.
3. Anything sexual.
We like to be flirted with, but going beyond a wink and smile is a big turn-off. We may inquire about what you like in a woman, but the answer we are looking for sounds more like, “a good sense of humor,” and not “a good hip to waist ratio.” Asking if we hook-up on a first date, like giving head, or want to see your “merchandise” is all crossing a line that you will never come back from. We like titillating conversation, just keep it PG-13 for now.
2. How much money you have.
We want to know that you don’t still live on a futon and eat ramen noodles at thirty years old, but boasting about your many vacation houses, or million-dollar job offer isn’t going to woo or wow us. In fact, it will usually do the opposite. With us, it’s more important to connect than impress, so leave the yacht-dropping out of the conversation and just let us find out certain things for ourselves.
1. More about You.
If you drone on about yourself, never posing a question to us, we are going to assume you have already found the love of your life – YOU. We want to know that you are interested in getting to know us, and that’s hard when you have been talking for thirty minutes about how much your boss loves you and how great of a cook you are. We do want to know you, but let us ask the questions.