Disney’s “Alice In Wonderland” Scarred You For Life
1. Alice in Wonderland starts off chill. Alice is a bored girl with an active imagination. As a kid, that’s relatable.
I’d love a world of my own, too. But it wouldn’t be A HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE PLACE.
2. Then shit gets real. This movie is terrifying from the moment Alice starts falling, and you’re like WHAT IF SHE NEVER STOPS.
If you were a smart kid, you also realized she would totally die on impact. A dress is not a parachute.
3. Wonderland makes no sense. Which means Alice is ALWAYS LOST.
Where we’re going we don’t need roads. BECAUSE THE ROADS ARE NONSENSE.
4. And EVERYONE SHE MEETS IS SCARY.
Even the Cheshire Cat! He’s supposed to be her friend. LOOK AT HIS EYES.
6. Then there’s this abomination.
That cake looks delicious and I straight-up would throw it away after he stuck his finger in it.
7. The whole tea party is a nightmare.
And SO FRENETIC. Just sit and enjoy your tea. Shit.
12. And everyone is totally unhelpful. Like, oh, a lost little girl? We’ll just let her fend for herself.
Mr. Caterpillar is not impressed.
13. The fact that Alice is mostly unfazed just makes it worse. Why isn’t she PANICKING?
Is Wonderland normal? Am I the crazy one for being freaked-out?
14. Speaking of the caterpillar, let’s talk about drugs.
This movie is FILLED with drug imagery. And it’s honestly more effective than D.A.R.E. at teaching kids to just say no.
19. Is this what being high is like?
THE FLOWERS ARE TALKING.
21. There’s also this weird sense that it’s all Alice’s fault?
THIS IS YOUR WONDERLAND, A NIGHTMARE OF YOUR OWN CREATION. AND NOW WE ALL SUFFER.
22. Listen, if you’re drowning in your own tears, the problem is not that you cried too much. It’s that YOUR SIZE KEEPS CHANGING.
Crying is OK when you’re stranded in a horrible place surrounded by monsters.
23. Alice is a SWEET GIRL. It’s not her fault that Wonderland is the worst.
So polite. Too bad everyone around her is rude as hell.
25. This poor little thing is tripping. It’s fun until it’s not.
When you first saw the movie, you didn’t really get it. In college, it all made sense.
26. Way existential. Total mindfuck.
I JUST WANT TO COME DOWN FROM THIS.
28. You just keep thinking, why did she go down the rabbit hole!
29. Why did she smoke that purple shit!
WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS.
30. Go back to your idyllic pre-Wonderland life, Alice.
Fuck nonsense. Nonsense is scary.
32. The next time you watch Alice in Wonderland, think about how badly you want to shout at the screen, “NO, ALICE, YOUR ‘WONDERLAND’ IS TRAUMATIC AND AWFUL.”
But she’ll never listen. And down the rabbit hole she goes.