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“Hire Me Maybe!” A Song For The Charlotte Bobcats, The Worst Team In NBA History


We traded Wallace away
And then let Matt Carroll play
Bismack Biyombo won’t say
Why he’s not returning my calls

Jordan hasn’t paid me in months
Seven wins is the dumps
Stern called me a mump
And he won’t return my calls

Charlotte’s a hellhole
Gerald plays like Jello
I’d give an arm for Melo

Hey, I hate Tyrus
And Diop’s lazy
I’d go anywhere else
So hire me maybe!

I know we suck but
Have you seen my players?
I’d coach in the D-League
Just hire me maybe!

Sacramento, baby
Washington, oh hey guys
You can pay me in pretzels
Please hire me maybe!

I won’t lie to you
Nobody seems to want me
But it’s Kemba’s fault
Just hire me maybe!

View this image ›

Fifty-nine losses is tough
Mullens at center is rough
I’ve just about had enough
Of MJ blowing smoke in my face

Calling it tanking’s a stretch
I don’t mean to kvetch, but
None of my players can catch
A basketball thrown their way

Anthony Davis
Might be enough to help us
But you just know with our luck

We play like penguins
Run the floor like children
I’ll leave in a second
Just hire me maybe!

Jordan’s a nutcase
D.J. Augustin hates me
We’re like the anti-Monstars
Please hire me today!

None of our players
Had better than a
Fifteen PER
God, hire me maybe

Corey Maggette
Can you really blame me?
Please hire me today!

9. And here’s the real Carly Rae Jepsen, singing “Call Me Maybe”:

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