How Scarface Are You?
There’s a Tony Montana inside each and everyone of us.
- Check off any of the statements that apply to you!
- ✓ You came from a modest background.
- ✓ You served in the army.
- ✓ You’re not particularly fond of octopus.
- ✓ You’ve encountered the wrath of an immigration official.
- ✓ Communism is not your cup of tea.
- ✓ You hold negative feelings against Fidel Castro.
- ✓ You worked in the food industry at one point.
- ✓ You quit your day job on a whim.
- ✓ You daydream about being rich.
- ✓ You have an affinity for Cadillac convertibles.
- ✓ You like zebra-stripe print on your car seats.
- ✓ You believe the “American Dream” is in Miami Beach.
- ✓ You have a terrible relationship with your mother.
- ✓ You have a really close relationship with a sibling.
- ✓ You like to push it to the limit.
- ✓ You know where Cochabamba is located.
- ✓ You eat lemons like oranges.
- ✓ You like dressing up in expensive polyester suits.
- ✓ You’ve danced with your boss’ S.O.
- ✓ You’ve flirted with your boss’ S.O.
- ✓ You’ve kissed your boss’ S.O.
- ✓ You’ve married your boss’ S.O.
- ✓ You’ve seen that one piece of advertising that really spoke to you.
- ✓ You’ll dance to anything by Giorgio Moroder.
- ✓ You’ve had an epic fit that resulted in someone getting slapped.
- ✓ You deliberately disobey your superiors.
- ✓ You shake hands with your banker.
- ✓ You use a cash counter to count your money.
- ✓ Your favorite music involves heavy use of synthesizers.
- ✓ You’re not afraid to air out your dirty laundry in public.
- ✓ You have a cynical view of old rich people.
- ✓ You’ll invest money on security equipment.
- ✓ You would like to buy a white tiger.
- ✓ You have no problem having your wedding in your back yard.
- ✓ Your ideal S.O. is blonde and white.
- ✓ You like smoking cigars.
- ✓ You like drinking hard liquor.
- ✓ You like having your best friend around.
- ✓ But you won’t allow your best friend to get involved with anyone in your family, especially your sister.
- ✓ You refer to yourself as “the bad guy.”
- ✓ You lie to your family about what you do for a living.
- ✓ You lie to everyone about what you do for a living.
- ✓ You like kids.
- ✓ The way to a girl’s heart is by offering her ice cream.
- ✓ You despise dancing clowns.
- ✓ You know how to handle yourself during a shoot-out.
- ✓ Calling someone a cockroach is a perfectly acceptable insult.
- ✓ You find yourself talking in a fake Cuban accent.
- ✓ You’re willing to throw your superiors under the bus in order to take over their spot.
- ✓ You like to rock a hawaiian shirt every once in a while.
- ✓ You’ve dealt with the process of obtaining a green card.
- ✓ You don’t like Colombians.
- ✓ You always plan for the future.
- ✓ You have a permanent bitch face.
- ✓ Your death glare is deadly enough to kill someone.
- ✓ You’re the monogamous type.
- ✓ You’ve snorted cocaine.
- ✓ You’ve snorted cocaine in a Miami Beach nightclub.
- ✓ You’ve planted your face into a mountain of cocaine.
- ✓ You’ve held a briefcase with two kilos of cocaine inside.
- ✓ You’ve snorted cocaine without the use of a tube.
- ✓ You can complete this phrase: “Don’t get ___ off your own ___.”
- ✓ You carry your own private stash of cocaine in a gold box.
- ✓ You’re willing to watch your friend get cut into pieces with a chainsaw just to save a buck.
- ✓ You refer to cocaine as “yayo.”
- ✓ You served time in jail.
- ✓ You believe cocaine is the equivalent of Popeye’s spinach.
- ✓ You say “fuck” in every sentence.
- ✓ You always tell the truth, even when you lie.
- ✓ You made your initials into a logo.
- ✓ You like to make an exit.
How Scarface Are You?
You are not Tony Montana at all. Which means you’re probably a saint. You’re a hard-working person who earns their honest keep. Good for you.
You have some of Tony’s traits, but you’re not Tony. You might get into a little trouble now and then, but you don’t have what it takes to be a drug lord in 1983 Miami. IRL, this is a good thing!
You have the potential to be one of Tony’s henchman. You’re willing to cut some corners to make a little extra cash on the side. All you’re doing is finding your place in this bad, bad world we live in. Push it to the limit!
You can stomach a dead body or two. You wear some nice polyester suits, and you go clubbing at the newest Miami Beach nightclubs. You’ll have to start using a cash counter to count your money; just don’t get caught in a sting operation.
Congratulations! You’re Tony Montana. And now your life is doomed. You may have all the money and coke in the world, but you’ll never be happy. You’ll end human life in a second, but at least you draw the line at women and children. There is a warm spot deep down in that cold heart of yours.