It’s All Gravy: Your Thanksgiving On Instagram Vs. In Real Life
It’s been a few years since social media replaced Christmas letters as the most efficient way to brag about your achievements, and society has managed to create an impressive alternative reality where selectively deciding which pictures to filter and share can make you look so much cooler and exciting than you actually are.
The holidays are prime time for this virtual one-upmanship, and over the next month or so, you’re likely going to be inundated with pictures of people in ugly sweaters reminding you how blessed they are to be able to take pictures with their family and friends.
There’s also a pretty good chance that they’re going to take pictures of the food at these gatherings, because these days a party isn’t really a party unless you tried to make a cute recipe you saw on Pinterest.
There will be no shortage of people showing off their perfectly cooked sides and baked goods, but it’s important to remember they’re probably not showing you the things that went wrong.
There are plenty of opportunities for disaster on Thanksgiving, and these pictures should remind you that having a picturesque holiday isn’t as easy as it looks.
Your turkey probably shouldn’t look like this
You can debate the exact definition of “golden brown” as much as you want, and I know for a fact that the picture on the right will never meet the specifications.
It’s harder to pose with the main attraction when it’s sprawled across the floor
Cooking a turkey — like having a baby — is something that people take far too much pride in doing when you consider the amount of actual skill involved, and much liking babies, people love taking pictures with them when they finally pop out of the oven.
It’s important to remember not to let go.
You can try to fry your turkey, but you’ll probably mess that up too
It’s a great idea until one of the million things that can go horribly wrong inevitably does.
Ham is less problematic if you’re looking for an alternative, but life finds a way.
Enjoy watching your entire family put that in their mouth.
Is cornbread supposed to do that?
Making cornbread isn’t that hard, and cornbread should definitely never be that hard.
Cranberry sauce requires a little bit of preparation
I know it’s a bit unfair to compare canned sauce to the homemade stuff, but I make the rules here. At least try to make it look presentable.
Sweet potato casserole normally requires a pan
I’m not sure what happened there and I’m not sure that I want to know.
The quickest way to turn your loved ones into mortal enemies is to burn the rolls
The last things you ever want to do is take away someone’s semi-annual excuse to load up on empty carbs.
At least there’s always dessert… unless you ruin that too
There’s a reason most recipies don’t contain the term “cook until blacker than a moonless night on an empty ocean.”
It helps to keep the filling inside the crust
At least they didn’t burn anything.
Sometimes professionals make mistakes too
What a crappy cupcake (the joke here is that the turkey on the right looks like poop).
Life is so much easier when you’re innocent
For example, I bet the person responsible for this cake didn’t even realize they’d modeled their turkey after a penis.
Food isn’t the only disaster waiting to happen
I think we can all agree that the true meaning of Thanksgiving is avoiding a house fire that destroys everything you own.