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Which Kind Of Insane Florida News Story Best Fits Your Personality?


Which Kind Of Insane Florida News Story Best Fits Your Personality?

  1. You got:

    Morbidly obese man physically assaulting a Dominos delivery guy

    You’re the life of the party and your friends love hanging out with you. But you also weigh 346-pounds and were arrested for punching the delivery guy in the face for forgetting your garlic knots. So maybe you should chill for a while.

  2. You got:

    Teenager who loves to get drunk on hand sanitizer

    You’re a free spirit and you dance to your own tune. You don’t follow the crowds, you make them. You also drink hand sanitizer to get drunk which means you probably won’t be dancing to your own tune for much longer.

  3. You got:

    Skateboarding goat

    You’re literally the coolest thing on four legs on four wheels. Keep on rockin’ in the free world, goat.

  4. You got:

    Woman who just tattooed her anus

    You’re sentimental. You’re sensitive. Sometimes you wonder if maybe you just feel more than everyone else, you know? You also now have a brand new tattoo on your butthole. Congrats.

  5. You got:

    High school student suspended for twerking

    Following trends can be a fun way to socialize. But remember, there’s more to life than following every new butt dance that comes out. You’ve got to diversify your interests!

  6. You got:

    Woman scratching a penis into a stranger’s SUV at Publix

    You’re intense and that’s great. A lot of people wish they could be as passionate as you. The owner of the vehicle you’re scratching a penis into probably isn’t psyched about it but that’s OK. You can’t please everyone and life’s too short to try, you know?

  7. You got:

    Dog that shot a guy with a 9mm handgun

    Politics are important to you. You care about three things: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. You don’t want the federal government anywhere near your guns and that’s fine! Also, you’re a dog arf arf bark bark bark.

  8. You got:

    Woman who’s pretty sure her heart-shaped potato was sent by her dead husband

    Intuition is an underappreciated thing these days. You’re not into new-fangled gadgets and whatchamuhcallits. You’re about down-home, old fashioned heart. You follow your gut. And you know a heart-shaped potato from heaven when you see one.

  9. You got:

    Man who drank five gallons of vodka at the beach and didn’t die

    Everyone’s had a rough patch. As Charles Barkley once said, “if you are afraid of failure you don’t deserve to be successful.” Well, you certainly aren’t afraid of failure because you just drank the equivalent of 427 shots of vodka on beach in the middle of the day surrounded by children. Shoot for the stars.

  10. You got:

    Guy who died after winning a roach eating contest

    You’re a dreamer with a big imagination and quest for new experiences. You’re a traveler, a connoisseur, you know a fine wine when you see one. Unfortunately, you just died eating worms and cockroaches. But, hey, at least you won!

  11. You got:

    Woman wanted for riding a manatee

    You don’t play by anyone’s rules. You break the rules and write new ones. You’re a maverick. Whether it’s in the boardroom or on the golf course, you’re totally crushing. And you just got arrested for riding a manatee.

  12. You got:

    A really smelly dog

    Friends and family are what’s most important to you. You’re most comfortable in a quiet room with a few special people. Sadly, at this exact second, you’re not at home with loved ones. You’re actually in a veterinary clinic and you smell so bad that everyone had to evacuate. Win some, lose some, I guess.


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